Life on Mork

Monday, January 23, 2006

New Mork for Smarties - How2 guide to living in New Mork

Intro-version. Per-duction. Epi-graphy. Porno-tome to Mew Nexicork

Don't read this if your name is Mark, Henry, Alice or Janice.
Because I don't know you, I don't want to or I can't because life is unfair, isn't it!
Do Pleeeese read this if you are in New Mexico and thinking about moving to New York City or versa vaisa. Unless you're from Wales! I don't like Mongs or Ginngers or funraxits. Stay where frum you blaxifux.

Subsequent blogs will be the path of a 12 step program on how to leave the cozy economic settings of New Mexico and make it anywhere else. (STELLA!!! This is for you because I neeed you here despurrrrrrately and I will go to great leeeenthuses to conveence you!) I can get rid of the cat a let you sleep on the windowsill. The door hook will be available in summer.

It's not up to you New York? NEW Mork! YEW DORK!
Mo Im MOT Drinking. OKAY! uRpp %&$*#!

The following are Blog titles I will be fallooween in order to structure my rants about living here. It doesn't mean that the whole of each rant will follow the title. I will go off on a tarantula from time to time or all the time or maybe I will just completely try to avoid the subject. Hokay man? OK.

1. So you think you will miss the chile A, Eh, AE?
2. Why I can't wear sandles to work anymore.
3. It's not so easy to drink and drive here so I DON'T DRIVE!
4. What will I do with my car?
Other versions on this title: Car recycling tips. Donate to a needie New Mexican. Who of you in New Mexico is not needy. If you are not needy but you live in New Mexico then you are not a Trew New Mexican. I think I took a wrong turn back in Albuquequeque and much much more.
5. Bean in a New Mork state of mind B. No you haven't C! Yes I have E, No you missed D. Shut up A. " Will the other 4 of my 5 personalities please return to Las Cruces. This is your last chance and I don't have enough room for you in my 5 hundred square foot apartment to fit you all. "But "G" my foot is more long and rectangular.
6. Black or grey?
7. Women are so skinny here I am having trouble fitting in.
8. The Irish are a lot like Mexicans.
9. It's all Mexican. (I stole this Title)
10. At third job your a "New Taxican" or a waitress/ bartender/ lap dancer/secretary/ bouncer at a burlesque bar cuz your chest is hairy and it doesn't match you nipple type.
11. Hey chalupa!? I know where a white girl can get a good Burrito.
12. Life sucks if you live anywhere else.

Please feel free to rant along. The Kareeeokay version of this blog is also good for those in the elderly community who need denchur cleanings. There is an easter egg called Mao York if you stare at at your screen for 3 hours and then look a wall.